“Soft skills” like empathy are now considered “power skills.” Some leaders have naturally empathetic leadership styles. For others, empathy’s role in leadership is uncomfortable. I find that the majority of the leaders I work with want to be kind. But knowing how to balance being empathetic with being effective is important. 

To appreciate the role empathy plays in leadership, we first need to have a clear understanding of what empathy means. Often, empathy gets confused with sympathy or being emotional or too caring. Or, we think it’s a trait you either have or you don’t. 

Simply defined, empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of another. 

And there’s a business case for it. 

Research shows that empathic workplaces (where employees feel understood and heard) tend to enjoy stronger collaboration, less stress, and greater morale, and their employees bounce back more quickly from difficult moments such as layoffs. Recent research also shows that whether empathy comes naturally or not; it’s a skill we can all hone.

If you’re struggling to incorporate empathy into your leadership style, you might try following these rules.

Rule #1: Clear and direct communication IS empathetic

Trusting your team is important, but so is setting clear expectations and letting them know exactly what success looks like. Likewise, when someone misses the mark, they deserve to know it so they can nail it the next time.

When we avoid such directness we may tell ourselves we’re being kind when what we’re actually doing is being unkind and unfair. 

When in doubt, I always remember this quote from empathy researcher and author of Dare to Lead, Brené Brown: 

“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”

Rule #2: Empathy and accountability are not mutually exclusive

Adopting an empathetic leadership model does not require you to lower your standards. There is no trade-off between accountability and empathy. In fact, they go hand in hand. 

Leaders who don’t practice empathy often unintentionally create a low-accountability culture where the emphasis is on avoiding mistakes and minimizing personal responsibility. Innovation and quality may suffer.

Conversely, practicing empathy contributes to a culture of psychological safety. 

Psychological safety is a term coined by Harvard Business School professor and author of The Fearless Organization, Amy Edmonson. It describes a work environment where when things get missed or mistakes happen, people feel free to speak up, accept responsibility, and make the changes necessary to deliver high quality work.

Rule #3: Empathy optimizes decision-making

Some might worry that empathy keeps leaders from being decisive. Leaders fear it could cloud their judgment. Or, think they will spend too much time listening to and considering the voices of others, making them seem wishy-washy and unable to provide clear direction.

Here’s the truth – a lack of empathy is what clouds judgment. 

When leaders fail to consider the views, opinions, and ideas of others, they are more likely to make uninformed decisions that can lead to organizational chaos or failure.

Leaders who use empathetic listening alongside their decisiveness and vision, make decisions that people can get behind, allowing for greater success.

Try following these rules and see what happens to your communication, culture of accountability and decision-making effectiveness.