We all go through personal situations while we’re working – we may get married, have children, lose loved ones, experience painful breakups, or deal with serious illness. It’s all part of being human, and many times it shows up at work.
As leaders, we’re expected to be authentic and caring. Yet we also have a responsibility to perform and set a stable emotional tone for our teams.
I’ve learned when dealing with personal situations there is value in being human and sharing. I also know that openness has to be balanced with good judgment.
Why being human at work matters:
Research1 shows there are benefits to showing up fully. When we bring our whole selves to work every day – everything that makes us us – we’re more creative and perform better. We are more comfortable taking risks and making decisions. We approach tasks with optimism, excitement, and a sense of intellectual curiosity. We are also more connected to and supported by our coworkers.
Leaders with an authentic leadership style are more likely to have engaged, enthusiastic, motivated employees and psychologically safe cultures.
But being human and showing up fully isn’t a license to behave without filters or good judgment. It’s about being you and making room for others, too. It includes a healthy dose of self-awareness, empathy, emotional intelligence and ethics.
Why it may feel a little uncomfortable:
For leaders and team members, bringing your whole self to work is vulnerable, especially when we are trained to “be professional” and “never let them see you sweat.” It means acknowledging your personality, even the quirky bits, and bringing your interests, hopes, dreams, and even difficult situations with you. During challenging times, it may mean saying, “Things are hard right now.”
When we dare to be vulnerable and original, we become more resilient, adaptable, and driven. We open ourselves to essential human experiences where our personal life and work life synchronize with each other. And we create an opening for others to bring more of themselves as well.
If you want to embrace being human at work and inspire your team members to do the same, here are four things to remember:
1. We all get scared.
Sharing a personal situation, bringing up problems or tough issues, and asking for support makes us vulnerable. We’re not able to predict people’s response. Often, we see asking for support as a sign of weakness, but research suggests that as long as you make a thoughtful request, people will think you are more competent, not less.
2. We’re all different.
That human part of you that makes you you, is a unique strength to bring forward. We all have different life experiences and respond differently to others. Embracing diverse perspectives allows teams to adopt different lenses to solve challenges and to experience each other’s gifts.
- We are all emotional.
And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Research by Google shows that teams where the leaders and members feel free and safe to express their emotions, fears and concerns are more innovative and productive. And people with higher sensitivity are consistently rated as the best performers by their managers. Being emotionally aware can even put more money in your pocket. People with higher EQ earn on average $30K+ more than people with lower EQ.
- We all want to know we matter.
“When you feel like you matter, you are secure in the knowledge that you have strong, meaningful connections to others and that you are not going through this life alone,” explains Gordon Flett, a professor of psychology at Canada’s York University and the author of “The Psychology of Mattering.”
But in the American workplace, 65% of entry-level executives and 70% of senior executives reported feeling that “no one really knows them well.” The survey estimated that loneliness is costing companies more than $154 billion annually in “stress-related absenteeism alone.”
How can others know us well if we don’t show up as our full selves?
Keeping these four things in mind, I decided to be honest, vulnerable and professional during a personally difficult time late last year when a family member was in the hospital. Admittedly, it felt a bit awkward to share my personal situation with associates, partners and clients. But showing up transparently brought me closer to the people who matter to me and opened the door for them to be more fully human, too.
1 Debebe & Reinert, 2014; Wright & Cropanzano, 2000
